


I'm Just Really Worried

by evanderblake



Series: Ninja Ship Party [1]
Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ninja Ship Party, Polygrumps, ShipGrumps, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evanderblake/pseuds/evanderblake
Summary: Brian's been feeling depressed, and Dan realizes something important.





	1. - 1 -

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anonymous prompt sender](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=anonymous+prompt+sender).



> This fic has very short chapters, but whatever. I can't seem to write long stories.

He wouldn’t look at Dan. He wouldn’t look at anyone. When their eyes finally met for the first time in what felt like days, Dan could only see pure, undiluted sadness. It pierced his heart like the blade of a knife. What had he done? Had he actually done anything? No matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t recall doing or saying anything to make Brian react to him like this.

Maybe it’s something personal. Something with Rachel, or with Audrey. Dan was at his wit’s end trying to rationalize all of the different possibilities, but in all honesty, Brian was just feeling sad. He wasn’t sure why, but he was hit with a huge wave of depression that made it hard for him to get out of bed each day. It made it hard for him to communicate, to reach out, to eat, even to open his eyes. Most mornings, he would come in at least an hour late looking like he had been hit by a train. When others around the office had asked what was wrong, he wouldn’t answer, wouldn’t even give them the satisfaction of looking in their eyes. He would simply stare straight ahead, acting as though he hadn’t heard them.

Dan was starting to get worried. It had been two weeks since this had started, and there was no sign of it letting up. He finally decided that he had to do something. Dan was totally fine with letting Brian be alone, letting him work this out with no additional help, but for some reason, seeing him so sad for so long made his chest ache at the thought. He approached Brian, sitting at the desk next to him.

“Wanna grab lunch today?” Dan asked with a beaming smile, one that Brian adored.

He shrugged, “I’m not really that hungry.”

Dan linked his arm through Brian’s, pulling him up off the chair. “Great! Let’s go!”

Brian groaned and rolled his eyes, but it was obvious he was trying to cover for the smile that had appeared upon his lips. The two drove to a nearby fast food joint, ordering their food and sitting down to eat.

Dan hadn’t wasted any time; he scarfed down his food like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Brian, who quite literally hadn’t eaten in at least a week, couldn’t bear the thought of eating.

“Dude, if you don’t eat that burger right now, I’m gonna cram it down your fuckin’ throat,” Dan threatened, his mouth still full of food. Classy, Brian thought.

He picked up a fry and slowly bit off the end. He felt like he was going to puke.

“Dude, seriously, what’s going on? Why aren’t you eating?”

Brian, again, didn’t answer. Could he answer? Could he even put into words what he was feeling right now?

Dan sighed, his shoulders sinking. “I’m afraid that you’re going to starve, Bri.”

Brian looked up, his eyes wide. “W-what?”

“Do you know how much I’ve been around you lately? I haven’t seen you eat a single thing in the past week. Coffee and water don’t have enough nutrients to keep your body going, Bri.”

He shook his head, “Rachel’s made food for me at home.”

Dan slapped his hand against the table. “Don’t you fucking lie to me, Brian. You think I haven’t talked to Rachel about this? She said you haven’t eaten anything at home, either.” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Listen, I don’t wanna tell you how to live your life, but you need to eat at least. If you wanna sleep all the time, ignore everyone, cry yourself to sleep, well fine. But you’re gonna eat.”

Brian’s eyes were watering. His cheeks were red and burning. He didn’t say a word, but he started eating his meal.

\----------

Later that night, Dan and Arin were talking on the phone. Dan was spread across his bed, his sheets and blankets strewn about wildly. On the other end, Arin was laying in bed with Suzy as she read a book, their hands clasped together under the thick blankets.

“Don’t you think that was kind of harsh, though?” Arin asked, scratching his beard. “Threatening him to eat like that?”

Dan sighed, flipping over onto his back. “I don’t fuckin’ know, dude. I don’t know what else to say! I’m so worried about him it makes me sick.”

Arin smirked. “Seriously? You’re sick over it?” Suzy’s eyebrow peaked, glancing over to her husband.

Dan gulped. “Um… yeah. I, uh, haven’t been sleeping well, and sometimes I get so nervous that my whole body shakes until I start puking.” He placed a hand on his stomach. “It happened just after I got home.”

Arin’s eyes were wide. He didn’t have the phone against his ear anymore, but midway between Suzy’s ear and his own. He glanced at his wife, her shocked expression matching his own. “Dude, you like Brian.”

Dan scoffed. “You’re hilarious. I’m just really worried about him.”

Arin laughed now, mostly at Dan’s denial, but also at Suzy, who was holding a hand over her mouth in attempt to conceal her giddy giggling. “You’re not understanding. You’ve known Brian for a long time now. You know everything about him. You teamed up with his wife to keep track of him. You’re making sure he’s eating, and when you’re not around him, you’re worried sick. I’m pretty sure—”

“Just because I do those things doesn’t mean I like him!” Dan interjected, his skin growing hot and heartbeat picking up. “I worry about you, too! And Suzy! And Barry! Literally everyone, because I like to worry!”

“Yeah, but do you worry about us like you worry about Brian? If I wasn’t eating regularly, would you take me out to lunch and make me eat? Would you worry about me to the point of illness? Because, and correct me if I’m wrong, I’m pretty sure only Brian gets that special treatment,” Arin declared.

Dan was speechless. He stuttered for a few seconds, unsure of how to respond to that. “There’s no way… I mean, I’m not… Brian’s married and… Just, no it doesn’t even make sense and…” He sighed. “It would never work out.”

Suzy audibly gasped, and Arin gave her a vicious look, warning her. “So it’s true? You’ve got feelings for Brian.”

Dan rolled onto his stomach. “Well, I don’t… Jesus, dude, of course I do.”


	2. - 2 -

Dan was texting Brian furiously, checking in to see if his well-being had improved at all. When he wasn’t getting any responses, he texted Rachel, who had informed him that Brian, while still distant and sad-looking, had at least started eating again. She thanked Dan for whatever he had said to make him eat. Dan felt a pang of guilt for the threats he had spouted off, but then again, should he be sorry? His best friend was inadvertently trying to kill himself – how stupid would it be to stand by and do nothing?

Brian finally texted back, apologizing for not replying.

You just mean a lot to me, dude. Dan looked at the text before pressing send. He wondered if that was too obvious. He erased the message, shaking his head, but then immediately re-typed and sent it anyway. Should he care? It’s not like Dan and Brian could become a couple. He was married with a kid. How terrible would it be for him to break apart a relationship like that? His stomach ached. He was going to get sick again.

After returning from the bathroom, Dan sat on the edge of his bed, gripping clumps of his hair in both hands, breathing heavily. “I’m gonna ruin his life. He was perfectly fine before all this, and I was fine denying it. Stupid fuckin’ Arin had to…” he stopped, tears falling from his eyes and directly onto his floor. “Goddamn it…”

Dan pulled out his phone and dialed Rachel’s number. He wanted to throw up again, but he fought the urge down. He hated himself for doing this, but it was overwhelming all of this sudden; he was certain he was losing his mind.

“Dan, what’s wrong?” Rachel asked in an instant, not giving Dan time to register that the phone had even been picked up.

He didn’t respond immediately, instead taking a moment to breathe and collect his thoughts. “I think I’m in love with your husband. And I wanted to tell you first before I accidentally let it slip or do something that crosses a line. And I’m really, really sorry, but I can’t stop thinking about all the ways I could ruin your guys’ lives with this. I just thought… maybe it would be best to tell you and let you decide what to do with the information.” It sounded like gibberish coming out of his mouth, but he could tell that Rachel had managed to nab every word.

She was digesting this information. If she were honest, she’d already known. It was obvious, the way Danny was always hanging on him, staring at him when no one was paying attention – except her, that is. He wanted to be involved with their daughter, in their lives, to be a part of their family. Rachel knew that, and she loved that. She loved Danny… but how much?

“Did you think I didn’t know?” Rachel asked, smirking.

Dan couldn’t decipher her tone; anger, sadness, giddiness… none of it sounded quite right. “What… do you mean? Am I that obvious about it?”

Rachel snickered, “Oh Danny, so innocent; I guess love is difficult to conceal, especially for someone as flamboyant as you.”

He blushed furiously. I’m such an idiot, Dan thought, wishing he could punch himself in the face. “What do I do, Rachel?”

She hummed, still smiling. “Come over. Brian’s been moping up in our bedroom. I was planning taking a short vacation with Audrey to my mom’s house, but I’d be happy to leave tonight and give you some time alone with him. It… seems like you’re the only one that can get through to him,” she stated with a hint of sadness in her voice. “He likes you too, I can tell. Just… do what you know is best for him. For us? For everyone.”

The line went dead.

~

Dan had never driven faster in his life. He wasn’t sure if Rachel had given him a definite ‘okay’ on starting a relationship, but he knew that she hadn’t said no, that she was fine with it to a certain point. He would ask her again, and several times after that. He was ecstatic, but also nervous to see Brian, who was still enduring his depressive episode. What could he do to make him feel better? Would confessing be the right action to take? Of course not, Dan thought, that might make it worse.

He pulled into the Wecht’s driveway, turning of his car and jumping out, nearly sprinting to the door. Rachel was standing in the door way, making her way out with Audrey in one arm and a suitcase handle in her free hand. Their eyes met.

“Are you sure about this?” Dan asked, his voice full of anxiety.

Rachel gave a devious smirk similar to the one that Brian wore near always. “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have told you to come over, and I wouldn’t be leaving my house and my husband in your care.” She stepped forward and kissed Dan’s cheek before bidding him farewell and driving away.

Dan stood on their doorstep for another ten minutes, trying to regulate his breathing, trying to think of what to say, what to do, if he should do anything at all… It was a lot to take in, and he was sure that he was overthinking all of it.

He pulled out his phone. Are you okay? Are you still awake? He texted Brian, clasping the device between his calloused hands.

The screen lit up. I’m still awake. That didn’t answer Dan’s first question. Taking a final deep breath, he straightened himself out and entered the house quietly, as not to disturb Brian. He climbed the stairs.

When he neared the top, he peered over the top of the ledge guarding the stairs, peeking into Brian’s room. There he sat, hunched over on his bed, his head in his hands. There was no noise except for Dan’s heavy breathing. He turned the corner and walked to the room, leaning casually against the doorframe.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, his voice soft.

Brian still jumped, startled by his friend’s sudden appearance in his house. Wait, why was he here? “Dan… what are y—”

“Rachel told me to come here. She said I’m the only one that can… I don’t know, make you happy?” he smiled.

Brian didn’t respond. He just stared.

“I’m… not sure how to make you happy, Brian. But, if you want to talk,” Dan entered the room and sat on the bed next to Brian. “I’m more than happy to listen. There’s nothing I’d rather do more right now.”

A light blush appeared on Brian’s cheeks, and Dan noticed it immediately. “I don’t know what I would say.”

Dan shook his head, “Then don’t talk. We can just sit here together.”

Their eyes met briefly before Brian’s gaze locked onto the floor again. It was obvious he was fighting to keep something inside. He wanted so badly to make his friend talk, to share his feelings, to tell the truth, but instead they sat. They looked at the floor together for several minutes, enjoying the silence and the tension that was filling the room.

Brian inhaled through his nose, his eyes shutting as he sat up straight. “Why do I feel like this?”

Dan looked over. “Feel like what?”

“I’m just… sad? I don’t know. It’s like, I don’t have motivation to do anything, and everything I do makes me feel like a failure. Like I could have done better.”

“You’re depressed, Brian. It’s not something you can just get over by snapping your fingers, or taking a nap. You have to work at it, take some steps to make it get better. Have you tried anything?”

He shook his head.

“Talking about it helps. Some people clean, others write or paint, some go to a psychiatrist and get pills to make it better, but no matter which route you take, you’ve gotta put your all into your recovery,” Dan explained. He knew all too well what it was like to be depressed.

Brian sighed, “I know that. I’m afraid that it might not work. Any of it. That I’ll try the pills, and I’ll try the yoga, and I’ll try writing but it won’t fucking work. I’ll just fail.”

Dan reached a hand out and rubbed Brian’s back lightly, which made his nerves skyrocket. “You won’t know until you try. Everyone gets better, Brian. You’ve gotta try, though. It’s like, when you learned how to play piano, you weren’t as good as fuckin’ Mozart right away. You had to work at it and learn new techniques, and eventually, you were good at playing the piano. Depression is the same thing, dude. You gotta take your meds and do new shit to learn how to manage it. After a while, you find ways to overcome it, and it might go away for good. But that’s not gonna happen unless you try it, Bri.”

Brian’s blue eyes were clouded with tears, some of which had started streaming down his face. He hated this. He hated feeling like this. “I’m scared.”

“I know. But I’m gonna be here the whole time.”

“Danny?”

“Yes, Bri?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, sniffing and wiping the tears from his eyes. “I… appreciate this.”

Dan’s heart skipped a beat. I love you, he wanted to say. He looked away, feeling the deep blush covering his face. “No sweat,” he said, his voice cracking.


	3. - 3 -

Dan stayed the night, albeit in a separate room. The whole night, his heart was racing, his mind running to a thousand different places. Does Brian really feel that way about me? He kept asking himself over and over until the words didn’t even sound like words anymore. Each time, he would pull the blanket up over his head and hold in the squeals that very much so wanted to escape his chapped lips.

Meanwhile, Brian was in a different place mentally. He was apologizing to… well, he wasn’t quite sure who was receiving his apology. Maybe his wife, or Dan. Maybe himself. But he felt sorry and there was nowhere to direct that feeling. He laid there in his bed, wishing he wasn’t alone, wishing someone would come next to him. Just the feeling of another person’s presence was enough to make him happy – well, happier.

There is Danny, he supposed. His heart skipped a beat; just thinking about asking Dan to lay with him was too much. But god, did he want to. He wanted so badly to curl into the tall man’s gangly, awkward frame, soaking up every bit of the moment. His scent, his slow breathing, his affection… Brian wanted it all. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted that until that specific moment, the heat spreading from his face all throughout his body. He was craving Dan. He needed Dan.

He checked the time. It was still pretty early, just after midnight now. Brian turned over, curling up into a ball, wishing he had the courage to crawl out of bed to find Dan. “Fuck…” he breathed, body starting to shake. Brian sat up in bed and gazed at the door, which, much to his surprise, started to open.

There was Dan; his hair was wild, flying all over the place. His expression resembled that of his daughter when she would toddle to their room after having a nightmare. He looked lost, and desperate. Brian knew that feeling all too well.

“I… couldn’t sleep. I figured you’d still be awake,” Dan mumbled with a sleepy smile.

Brian genuinely grinned. “I haven’t slept in… well, I honestly can’t remember how long it’s been.”

Dan circled around the bed and crawled in next to Brian. They laid together, face-to-face yet not looking at each other. Brian’s breathing was heavy and deliberate, trying his best to slow his heart rate. Dan, however, appeared perfectly calm; inside, he was panicking. He had been this close to Brian before, but not with the intentions he now had. He wanted to reach over, to cradle Brian in his arms, to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear… but he couldn’t move. He just laid there on his side, staring at the sheets.

“I’m sorry,” Brian started, “that you’re wasting your night here with me.”

Dan’s eyes snapped up at Brian’s face. “Wasting my time?”

He nodded.

“You think I don’t want to be here or something? That I don’t want to spend every single moment of my day with you?” Dan asked, almost angry.

Brian’s face turned red. “I don’t know why you would want to be around me, especially right now. I’m just a loser. That’s all I’ve ever been.”

Dan was propped up on his elbow now. “You’re actually the coolest person I’ve ever met, Bri. You’re super smart, you’re funny, you’re nice to me… you care about me and your family and all your friends. There’s no way you’re a loser.”

“Of course I am,” Brian replied, shaking his head. “I’m the most boring person to be around right now. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to talk about my feelings, I don’t want to eat or sleep or watch a movie… I don’t even want to be alive. I don’t feel alive right now.”

“Bri, didn’t you hear me earlier? This takes time!”

“I’m tired of waiting!” Brian shouted, covering his face with his hands. For a moment, there was silence, and Brian wished it didn’t have to end. “I’m tired of feeling like this. I’ve felt like this for a long time, Dan, and I’m tired of it. I want to wake up and love being next to my wife, love taking care of my daughter, love writing music with you… but I don’t feel any of that anymore. I haven’t for a long time. I just want to feel happy again. Feel anything again.”

Dan didn’t speak for a moment. He let Brian, who was tensed up, his hands still coving his face, relax a little bit. He had never realized that Brian had just been… hiding this. It made his chest hurt. “How long has it been?”

“Months,” was all he said. Brian turned onto his side, his back to Dan. “I can’t live like this.”

Dan scooted in closer and reached a nervous hand out, hooking it around Brian’s stomach and curling up around him. He leaned into Brian’s hair and kissed the back of his head. “You don’t have to.”

Chills were sprinting up and down Brian’s spine. He wanted to scream, squeal, jump for joy, whatever it took to get the feeling out of his body. Instead, he laid perfectly still, his face growing more and more red each second he laid there.

“D-danny…” his head turned a little bit, trying to catch a glimpse of his friend, yet all he saw was the mass of fluffy hair sticking out each and every direction.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I really like you. And I want to be here for you no matter what that takes. I know that this isn’t going to make you feel better, but I needed to tell you somehow,” Dan whispered into his ear.

Brian’s heart felt like it would explode from all the joy he felt. He curled in closer to Danny, feeling the way his chest pressed against his back with each breath. He could feel his heartbeat, he could feel his smile against the back of his head. Dan’s scent, the thick smell of old spice, filled his nostrils. He loved it. He wanted more.

It felt like a seam being sown together, like a puzzle being finished, like a guitar being tuned – Brian could almost hear the click signifying everything falling into place. He wasn’t happy – no, that’s not how it works – but he felt at ease, like a weight had been lifted. Like now, after all this time of feeling miserable and guilty, he could finally find a way to be happy.

Brian turned onto his back, finally seeing Danny with his halo of curls surrounding his unshaven face. Dan was smiling as if he had won the lottery because, for him, it was pretty damn close. He finally had Brian, the man he’d been dreaming about for nearly ten years. And Brian, who wore a matching smile, finally had everything he’d ever wanted right in front of him.

“I love you, Danny.”

“I love you too, Bri.”

The silent night engulfed them – well, almost. Brian did snore.


End file.
